I recently reached out to a former employer (an attorney) who I hadn’t spoken to in years. I wanted to refer over 90 cases to him and he declined. His response was simply, “no thanks.” His short and quick decline was a bit of a shock because he and I worked pretty well together. We used to travel a lot together on cases and I was cool with his wife (who used to be a man). He has a trans daughter (a teen at that time). She used to suffer from night terrors. I vividly remember praying a lot for his daughter and his marriage. I worked for him BEORE becoming a “Rabbi.”
I was wondering… is he offended that I became a Rabbi? He and I never had a “falling out” so I guess I was taken aback. *I KNOW I NEVER HURT HIM OR HIS FAMILY. The only thing I did was quit to pursue a different realm of law.
In my last blog, I mentioned that I am very aware of the fact that I am not a good person. I am embarrassed and ashamed about that, especially now since G-d is the focus of my life. I live to worship HIM.
I cannot change who I was in the past. I cannot change past mistakes or hurts caused by me to others. All I can say is I AM TRULY SORRY. I hope that IF anyone I have hurt in the past comes across this blog /vlog (YT video), he/she/it will forgive me.
I will go a step further… believe me when I say, I am not worth HATING. Hate takes so much energy out of people. All you do is physically and emotionally hurt yourself. How do I know this? G-d recently called me out on someone I didn’t even know I hated. He told me to forgive her or accept my own damnation. He didn’t want to hear my excuses or reasons (which- by the way, stem from my childhood or lack thereof).
I remain a person with blemishes. I will NEVER be perfect and I will never be able to please all people who cross my path in this world, this life. All I can do is apologize, repent and give it to G-d because HE knows my heart and my inner intentions.
EPHESIANS 1:7, “In Him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgivness of sins, in accordance with the riches of G-d’s grace.”
ACTS 13:38, “Therefore my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.”
In the meantime, I will continue to aspire to be more “Christ-like.” The old me would have never even thought to change. The fact that I know that I’m being spoken to by the only and most High G-d confirms that not only do I have to continue to strive for betterment as a person, I must also remain close with Him (Jesus).
What does this mean?
It means I have to continue to talk the talk and continue to walk the walk, hoping to one day get it right. Of course I’ll never get it right. Only JESUS did.
You might ask “WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS?” Because. satan has a way of making us feel unworthy of repentance. He’s like a mix between a cockroach and one of those chicks from that old movie “Mean Girls” with Lindsay Lohan. The accuser lurks around us, hoping to find a crack and sneak in thoughts of guilt, shame, hurt, depression, etc.
In the words and power of JESUS I say: GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN!
I am a child of the most high G-d, and accordingly, “NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER.”
Matthew 16:23, “But he turned and said unto Peter, get thee behind me, satan; thou art an offence unto me; for thou savoriest not the things that be of G-d, but those that be of men.”
The past is DONE. TOMORROW is yet unknown. TODAY we have the compassion, salvation, mercy and grace of Adonai, through his Son, Christ Jesus. Let’s embrace it!
If you can relate to anything I’ve written in this blog, let’s embrace and accept the Almighty’s love for us and continue to walk this narrow path in the fight of our lives (souls) as the apostle Paul and so many others did before us.